Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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