why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
