I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
