mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
