Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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