That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize