party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
