you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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