he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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