Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize