I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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