maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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