Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize