I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
this is an emotional support booty call
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
