This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
