I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
