i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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