i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
