my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
