Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
