She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
