This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
