You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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