Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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