I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
