Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You have to summon your inner elephant
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
