Come see our sink grown plant.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
