Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
