Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
