I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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