Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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