I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
