The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
