My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
