I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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