I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
