Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
