The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
