When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dick very happy bro
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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