He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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