Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
