why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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