So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize