Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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