Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
