even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
