and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
