dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
