dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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