my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
