imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
