capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
