she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
