Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
