I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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