I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
