he looks like a really good dad on facebook
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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