I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
