i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
