wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
