Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize