My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
