ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
