I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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