I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
